| HEROIN ADDICTION STORIES |
| True stories from heroin addicts who have been there and experienced the hell of heroin addiction first hand! |
This is the story of my experience with brown. Back in 2001 my best mate (Don) was at University and being
students they were well into their recreational drugs (as was I).
I'd completed my pharmacy degree a year earlier and was working in a hospital in my home town. When Don was in
his final year, a few of his mates started getting a little bit of brown in for the post-club chill out. We've always loved a
good session on the herb after a night out on the tablets, but smoking some brown was even sweeter. Purely
recreational ($5 - $10 spent), but soon it was every other weekend.
Don ended up getting a few of us into it and when he returned home it seemed to spread amongst a small group of
us (replacing the after club herbs). This group was then divided into two. The people (like myself) who took time out
after a 2 day session, and then the people who started scoring mid-week, and very soon every day. With this
regularity came the first withdrawal symptoms.
Two of my mates (Don included) got sucked in and ended up in the vicious circle of having to get gear (daily) to stop
the cluck, just so they could perform in their jobs (both are salesmen). This went on through 1999 and though I was
never buying my own smack, my flat became the after work 'we've just scored' meeting place.
My mates would always feel a bit guilty that they were always round mine, so would always give me plenty of scoops
off their bag. This was the first time I was doing it on work nights, but I somehow justified it by telling myself I wasn't
actually paying for it or actively going out to score. The next day at work I'd feel spaced out/exhausted (fake sleep
as we named it) and sometimes a bit queasy. My previous experience of brown was on Friday/Saturday nights where
I'd have the whole of Saturday/Sunday to sleep it off & recover. Now I was getting up for work after 5 or 6 hours
'fake' sleep, still battered from last nights session.
This escalated a little more to the point where I'd chip in $5 and have a bit to smoke at work the next day. Apart from
enjoying the naughtiness of doing this at work (I'm a pharmacist), I was surprised to find a few runs on the foil would
lift me (rather than 'smack me out' as non-users would assume). Seeing what was happening I stopped the mid-week
use and banned my mates from coming round.
At this point I cut my usage back to occasional weekends only (still no withdrawal effects, apart from 36 hour
tiredness - and this was after doing it sporadically for about 18 months). My mates continued.
I began to see less and less of them as they were now going round another friends flat. Eventually my mates got
onto the methadone and then at the start of 2003 my best mate Don gave up (with the help of his grandmother who
was once a nurse). He took 2 weeks off work and did the 'raw cluck'. No substituting smack for meth, just willpower
and the desire to be normal again.
I moved to a new city at the start of 2003 (new job, etc) and Don followed me down to get away from the local 'brown
circles'. Neither of us touched the stuff for almost a year, but then we ended up buying a bag for a 'post-ecstasy'
session. It was 'for old times sake' and as we still knew people back home who were 'on it', scoring was easy. This
one slip up set the ball rolling again.
Don has never gone back to daily use, but we've had 2-day ecstasy/brown sessions over weekends and ended up
feeling rough for 3 or 4 days (then done it again the next weekend). It was last years resurgence that gave me my
first real cluck (after two and a half years of dabbling). Fairly short (4 days) and mild when compared with real cold
turkey but nasty nonetheless.
Another factor that got us doing it more regularly again is crack. My mates from back home (who haven't stopped
since 2001) had got into smoking rock. Me and Don (+ a few other mates from my new area) started to buy the
occasional $20 'pebble', but we quickly learnt, we couldn't do crack without smack.
The crack wears off in 5 - 10 minutes and you yearn for more.... but a few licks of brown will relieve this, so you can
leave the pipe alone for an hour or so, rather than blasting the whole rock in 45 minutes (and going out to buy
more!) So on a Thursday afternoon when you're planning your weekend shopping, you may fancy getting some
crack, but you know this means buying some smack! Another vicious drug circle. Now the whole brown habit has a
'two-pronged' buzz to draw us in. Sneaky.
Anyway, things escalated towards the end of 2003 (always the way as x-mas approaches). Most weekends were
spent round friends flats doing E's, then crack n' smack. We were still holding it together in terms of work and
relationships, but Don was clucking more and more as his history of proper addiction started to catch him up. Three
of us agreed that New Years Eve would be our final session.
We decided that only doing it at the weekend still impedes your working life and relationships. You still put your body
and mind through the roller coaster of 'ups' & 'downs' and your moods are affected all the way through to the next
weekend. The only solution was to calm it down.
My personal objective is to stick to a 3 month rule (no more than 4 sessions in a year), which I'm glad to say I've
adhered to, but Don means to quit for good. He reckons he's got the addictive personality, where as I seem to be
able to keep things in check. That’s not to say I’m invulnerable to heroin addiction. I would never dream of making
such a claim. If things in my life were to take a turn for the worse (losing my job or depression) I could easily end up
using brown as an escape route. As long as my mates are still doing it, it’s only an hour away. I worry about these
friends back home. They’ve been on it for 5.5 years now and although they’ve never mainlined, I’m certain this will
be the next step.
Don had a little relapse from the 'total ban' two weeks ago. This was probably my fault. I'd done my 3 months off and
he knew a couple of us were planning to ‘reward’ ourselves....and he got involved. They say there’s ‘Strength in
numbers’, but it’s the ‘Weakness in numbers’ that keeps catching us out. It’s sad to say, but I’m already counting
down the weeks until the end of June when I can next get back from a night of clubbing and have a toot.
Dons solution to this was to start parachuting/skydiving. I decided to join him as it seemed like a positive step. We
completed our basic training last autumn and did our first jumps of 2008 last weekend. Great natural buzz and
possibly the pathway to clean living.
I hope my story will help others. Thanks Defeat Addictions for giving me a chance to share my story.
students they were well into their recreational drugs (as was I).
I'd completed my pharmacy degree a year earlier and was working in a hospital in my home town. When Don was in
his final year, a few of his mates started getting a little bit of brown in for the post-club chill out. We've always loved a
good session on the herb after a night out on the tablets, but smoking some brown was even sweeter. Purely
recreational ($5 - $10 spent), but soon it was every other weekend.
Don ended up getting a few of us into it and when he returned home it seemed to spread amongst a small group of
us (replacing the after club herbs). This group was then divided into two. The people (like myself) who took time out
after a 2 day session, and then the people who started scoring mid-week, and very soon every day. With this
regularity came the first withdrawal symptoms.
Two of my mates (Don included) got sucked in and ended up in the vicious circle of having to get gear (daily) to stop
the cluck, just so they could perform in their jobs (both are salesmen). This went on through 1999 and though I was
never buying my own smack, my flat became the after work 'we've just scored' meeting place.
My mates would always feel a bit guilty that they were always round mine, so would always give me plenty of scoops
off their bag. This was the first time I was doing it on work nights, but I somehow justified it by telling myself I wasn't
actually paying for it or actively going out to score. The next day at work I'd feel spaced out/exhausted (fake sleep
as we named it) and sometimes a bit queasy. My previous experience of brown was on Friday/Saturday nights where
I'd have the whole of Saturday/Sunday to sleep it off & recover. Now I was getting up for work after 5 or 6 hours
'fake' sleep, still battered from last nights session.
This escalated a little more to the point where I'd chip in $5 and have a bit to smoke at work the next day. Apart from
enjoying the naughtiness of doing this at work (I'm a pharmacist), I was surprised to find a few runs on the foil would
lift me (rather than 'smack me out' as non-users would assume). Seeing what was happening I stopped the mid-week
use and banned my mates from coming round.
At this point I cut my usage back to occasional weekends only (still no withdrawal effects, apart from 36 hour
tiredness - and this was after doing it sporadically for about 18 months). My mates continued.
I began to see less and less of them as they were now going round another friends flat. Eventually my mates got
onto the methadone and then at the start of 2003 my best mate Don gave up (with the help of his grandmother who
was once a nurse). He took 2 weeks off work and did the 'raw cluck'. No substituting smack for meth, just willpower
and the desire to be normal again.
I moved to a new city at the start of 2003 (new job, etc) and Don followed me down to get away from the local 'brown
circles'. Neither of us touched the stuff for almost a year, but then we ended up buying a bag for a 'post-ecstasy'
session. It was 'for old times sake' and as we still knew people back home who were 'on it', scoring was easy. This
one slip up set the ball rolling again.
Don has never gone back to daily use, but we've had 2-day ecstasy/brown sessions over weekends and ended up
feeling rough for 3 or 4 days (then done it again the next weekend). It was last years resurgence that gave me my
first real cluck (after two and a half years of dabbling). Fairly short (4 days) and mild when compared with real cold
turkey but nasty nonetheless.
Another factor that got us doing it more regularly again is crack. My mates from back home (who haven't stopped
since 2001) had got into smoking rock. Me and Don (+ a few other mates from my new area) started to buy the
occasional $20 'pebble', but we quickly learnt, we couldn't do crack without smack.
The crack wears off in 5 - 10 minutes and you yearn for more.... but a few licks of brown will relieve this, so you can
leave the pipe alone for an hour or so, rather than blasting the whole rock in 45 minutes (and going out to buy
more!) So on a Thursday afternoon when you're planning your weekend shopping, you may fancy getting some
crack, but you know this means buying some smack! Another vicious drug circle. Now the whole brown habit has a
'two-pronged' buzz to draw us in. Sneaky.
Anyway, things escalated towards the end of 2003 (always the way as x-mas approaches). Most weekends were
spent round friends flats doing E's, then crack n' smack. We were still holding it together in terms of work and
relationships, but Don was clucking more and more as his history of proper addiction started to catch him up. Three
of us agreed that New Years Eve would be our final session.
We decided that only doing it at the weekend still impedes your working life and relationships. You still put your body
and mind through the roller coaster of 'ups' & 'downs' and your moods are affected all the way through to the next
weekend. The only solution was to calm it down.
My personal objective is to stick to a 3 month rule (no more than 4 sessions in a year), which I'm glad to say I've
adhered to, but Don means to quit for good. He reckons he's got the addictive personality, where as I seem to be
able to keep things in check. That’s not to say I’m invulnerable to heroin addiction. I would never dream of making
such a claim. If things in my life were to take a turn for the worse (losing my job or depression) I could easily end up
using brown as an escape route. As long as my mates are still doing it, it’s only an hour away. I worry about these
friends back home. They’ve been on it for 5.5 years now and although they’ve never mainlined, I’m certain this will
be the next step.
Don had a little relapse from the 'total ban' two weeks ago. This was probably my fault. I'd done my 3 months off and
he knew a couple of us were planning to ‘reward’ ourselves....and he got involved. They say there’s ‘Strength in
numbers’, but it’s the ‘Weakness in numbers’ that keeps catching us out. It’s sad to say, but I’m already counting
down the weeks until the end of June when I can next get back from a night of clubbing and have a toot.
Dons solution to this was to start parachuting/skydiving. I decided to join him as it seemed like a positive step. We
completed our basic training last autumn and did our first jumps of 2008 last weekend. Great natural buzz and
possibly the pathway to clean living.
I hope my story will help others. Thanks Defeat Addictions for giving me a chance to share my story.
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