| EXPERIENCES WITH DRUG ADDICTION |
| True stories from drug addicts who have been there and experienced the hell of drug addiction first hand! |
| Amanda-My Life |
This may seem a little lengthy but please bare with me. When I was young my parents divorced when I was 5. My
mother raised me on her own. My families name was always highly respected, so no one would have ever guessed
that my mother was a nurse by day, and a crack addict by night She kept up with going to work at first, but as time
went by, she would lay out. She would take all of her frustrations out on me, I was beat numerous times with
numerous different objects. My dad would notice the bruises, and I would constantly lie because I loved my mother
and didn't want to leave her by herself. I was 10 at the time that my mom finally got caught, she had written a bunch
of bad checks and we were getting ready to lose everything we had. My grandparents didn't want to ruin our "good"
name so they covered up everything she did wrong, payed off everything and sent her to rehab. During this time
my dad took on the responsibility of raising me. My mom was in rehab for 2 months. When she got out, she
including us thought she was cured. After a week or two, things went back to the same old way, and my
grandparents once again, brushed everything under the rug, and sent her off to another rehab across the country.
My mom would constantly call me, but she had no idea, what she was putting me through. When she got out of
rehab several months later, she took me back. We were doing good at first. She shipped some guy to our home,
that I didn't even know. He lived with us. But, the beatings from my mom continued, and even got worse. She would
take off and leave him there with me, we wouldn't know where she was, or when she would return. One night that I
will never forget even though this was 8 years ago, my mom and the guy got into a huge fight. He beat her, threw
her against the wall, cracked her head, and broke 4 of her ribs. I couldn't get him off of her, no matter how hard I
tried. She escaped for a few min. and returned with a gun. She held him at gunpoint, and then turned it on me. All
that I could think is, "she's gonna pull that trigger." I was only 11 but I could see my short life flashing in front of my
eyes. I was begging and pleading with her not to do it. Finally the guy actually did something smart and got it away
from her. I don't remember everything else that happened except that I ended up at my friends house. My dad
came and picked me up. My family sent the guy she had brought to our house back home. She had to leave our
house. She moved in with her drug-dealer and got married to him, which she later got annulled. My dad was still
keeping me at this time, he was trying to balance work, and raise a pre-teen daughter in the best environment that
he could, considering everything that had happened, he also kept me in church. My mom showed up at my dad's
house one day promising to us that she wanted to get clean for good. So, my dad let her stay with us for a few
days. But, she stole all the money I had saved up and took off again. After the money had run out, she came back.
She gave up custody of me, and she went to another rehab. She was there for several months. When she returned
home she was actually trying and remaining clean. My dad still wouldn't give her full custody back because he didn't
know if this stuff would ever happen again. But after a few weeks, I was back with her. I was 12 at this time. She
met a good man, and we moved in with him. I suddenly had a brother and a sister, something I had always wanted.
Things went pretty well. I grew up some and me and my mom's relationship was finally mending. As soon as I
turned around; I was 14. I rebeled and still blamed her for my screwed-up life. I had swore to myself that I would
never do anything. But, being a teenager and the obstacles we face, I would come home drunk and even smoked
pot some, I was trying everything to make her have to sit up and worry about me for a change, doing everything I
could just to make her feel the agony that I strived to overcome, just to maybe make her feel, the way she had made
me feel so many times before. You see, when she got out of rehab she had put everything in the past, as if it never
happened. She denied the beatings, the lying, as if she was thinking, "If I put it in the past, then it never happened".
But, it did happen I was living proof, I still endured the nightmares, and having my friends talk about my
"crack-head" mother. Then I was introduced to the world famous "cocaine". I was lying to my family and friends, and
getting money from everywhere to support my now realizable addiction. After pawning and scraping around, and
stealing from friends I was hooked. And one day my mom walked in my room, while I was going through my empty
bags, she took one look at me and said, "You need help". She didn't say anything else, she just turned around and
walked off. I sat there looking at what I was becoming; my mother. I actually got sick on my stomach, and realized
that this thing was taking ahold of me, like how a fire starts from a cigarette, and then sets the whole house ablaze,
slowly, that's what it was doing to my soul, and who I was. That day I threw out any resemblance of anything
reminding me of it. I got rid of the dealer's number, and got back into much needed church. My grades improved
dramatically, and I was finally on the right path. I didn't need rehab because God was the only one who got me
through that. I never once picked it back up, even to this day. I have no feeling to do it what-soever. I actually hate
the thought of it. I met a good guy who went to church with me every Sunday and Wednesday. He was so good to
me, he loved me for me, and didn't judge anything about my past. He would take me places and he had the most
gentle touch. He would do things "just-because". Finally, my life had some texture and depth to it. My family was
doing good, my mother was sober, my grades had improved dramatically, I had a great boyfriend, and I even got
into my first pick college. After dating for 1 year, he got on crack-cocaine. I said, I would never deal with this crap
again. But, I loved him and I was blind to his many lies and deceptions. He got into trouble with the law on
numerous occasions and denied to me about ever doing any of his supposed crimes. I stuck by him, and he leaned
on me for everything. I put up with his jail time for burglary, him going out on escapades for days at a time, and him
being in and out of several rehabs. I had no idea if he was hurt or dead somewhere, he wouldn't call until the money
ran out, and it always did. He then promised he would never do it again, and I was so naive about our love, I trusted
him once again. This went on for 2 years, and it was the worst hell of my life, when you love someone close up
when they're loving you at a distance, the drugs will be the gap, the only thing stopping your relationship from
progressing. Because let me tell you, drugs will be their lover, not you. Don't get me wrong when he was sober he
was the best man in the world, that's what kept me going from day to day. But I finally started thinking to myself,
does the good outweigh the bad? No, it didn't because for the 30 days he would be clean, the next 20 would be
complete and utter hell. I would wait by the phone, to just hear him say that he was OK and at home. I would be
sleepy at school and work, and have tear stained cheeks from staying up the night before, crying, wondering, and
praying. He would go a couple of weeks without it, and then be right back on it. It would've been so much easier if
he would have cheated on me, that way I could say "forget you" and be gone, but by it being with drugs, I knew he
loved me deep down and this demon had a complete tug on his life that by this time, he couldn't control it. It altered
his mind, his heart, everything that had ever meant something to him, was now nothing, but shear memories. I got a
call a couple of days ago. He is in jail now, on a $50,000 secured bond, and facing 16 years in prison. He had 1st
degree armed robbery, 1st degree burglary and 2nd degree kidnapping. And, once again, I'm alone and have no
idea what to do. I still love him no matter what happens, but I have finally realized that everything happens for a
reason. God will cure him some day, some how, or either take him home to be his angel. But, I know God has a
plan for my life and his. I will never forget all the memories we have shared, the good times, and the bad times. The
thing that gets to me is, we were pre-engaged and planning to get married after my 4 years were done, I even had
the ring. Now, it's gone. No turning back. Because, even when he does get out he'll be 38. By then I'll be married
and have my own family. Friends have asked do I regret allot. I regret nothing, it's been hard don't get me wrong,
but it's made me one of the strongest people and I know that there is nothing in this world that can pull me down.
Not now, not ever. God will be my guide and support the rest of my life. I have 2 reasons for telling my story.
1. If you have a loved one that is strung out on drugs DO NOT give in to their many lies, and trust me there will be
more lies than truth. If you have kids I know you may think that they need their father or mother. But, if there
mother or father is going to be in and out of their lives, beating them (drugs can corrupt a saint, it happens), only
being around to get money, or use them or you. Then, wouldn't you be better off without them? Sometimes you
have to weigh out what means the most to you, and sometimes that means sacrificing your heart.
2. Another reason for me writing this is if your a drug addict yourself. Drugs of any kind, even your "harmless" pot,
is the most selfish thing you can do to yourself and to your family and friends. You don't realize all that you're taking
from them. On drugs, you give up your family, pride, morals, beliefs, and everything in between. You will go from
someone who is devoted, to someone who doesn't care who they are. On drugs, the devil has a mighty grip over
you, he tells you which way to go. So ask yourself this, "Would you want your enemy to have reins over you".
Please consider yourself. Don't quit the drugs for your family, or your girlfriend/boyfriend. Quit the drugs to better
yourself, and to take back the life that was once your own. God can help you out of any situation. Don't blame him,
if you've hit rock bottom call him, he will be the one to grab your hand and pull you back to life.
Good luck to all, and may God bless you.
Written by Amanda Reynolds
mother raised me on her own. My families name was always highly respected, so no one would have ever guessed
that my mother was a nurse by day, and a crack addict by night She kept up with going to work at first, but as time
went by, she would lay out. She would take all of her frustrations out on me, I was beat numerous times with
numerous different objects. My dad would notice the bruises, and I would constantly lie because I loved my mother
and didn't want to leave her by herself. I was 10 at the time that my mom finally got caught, she had written a bunch
of bad checks and we were getting ready to lose everything we had. My grandparents didn't want to ruin our "good"
name so they covered up everything she did wrong, payed off everything and sent her to rehab. During this time
my dad took on the responsibility of raising me. My mom was in rehab for 2 months. When she got out, she
including us thought she was cured. After a week or two, things went back to the same old way, and my
grandparents once again, brushed everything under the rug, and sent her off to another rehab across the country.
My mom would constantly call me, but she had no idea, what she was putting me through. When she got out of
rehab several months later, she took me back. We were doing good at first. She shipped some guy to our home,
that I didn't even know. He lived with us. But, the beatings from my mom continued, and even got worse. She would
take off and leave him there with me, we wouldn't know where she was, or when she would return. One night that I
will never forget even though this was 8 years ago, my mom and the guy got into a huge fight. He beat her, threw
her against the wall, cracked her head, and broke 4 of her ribs. I couldn't get him off of her, no matter how hard I
tried. She escaped for a few min. and returned with a gun. She held him at gunpoint, and then turned it on me. All
that I could think is, "she's gonna pull that trigger." I was only 11 but I could see my short life flashing in front of my
eyes. I was begging and pleading with her not to do it. Finally the guy actually did something smart and got it away
from her. I don't remember everything else that happened except that I ended up at my friends house. My dad
came and picked me up. My family sent the guy she had brought to our house back home. She had to leave our
house. She moved in with her drug-dealer and got married to him, which she later got annulled. My dad was still
keeping me at this time, he was trying to balance work, and raise a pre-teen daughter in the best environment that
he could, considering everything that had happened, he also kept me in church. My mom showed up at my dad's
house one day promising to us that she wanted to get clean for good. So, my dad let her stay with us for a few
days. But, she stole all the money I had saved up and took off again. After the money had run out, she came back.
She gave up custody of me, and she went to another rehab. She was there for several months. When she returned
home she was actually trying and remaining clean. My dad still wouldn't give her full custody back because he didn't
know if this stuff would ever happen again. But after a few weeks, I was back with her. I was 12 at this time. She
met a good man, and we moved in with him. I suddenly had a brother and a sister, something I had always wanted.
Things went pretty well. I grew up some and me and my mom's relationship was finally mending. As soon as I
turned around; I was 14. I rebeled and still blamed her for my screwed-up life. I had swore to myself that I would
never do anything. But, being a teenager and the obstacles we face, I would come home drunk and even smoked
pot some, I was trying everything to make her have to sit up and worry about me for a change, doing everything I
could just to make her feel the agony that I strived to overcome, just to maybe make her feel, the way she had made
me feel so many times before. You see, when she got out of rehab she had put everything in the past, as if it never
happened. She denied the beatings, the lying, as if she was thinking, "If I put it in the past, then it never happened".
But, it did happen I was living proof, I still endured the nightmares, and having my friends talk about my
"crack-head" mother. Then I was introduced to the world famous "cocaine". I was lying to my family and friends, and
getting money from everywhere to support my now realizable addiction. After pawning and scraping around, and
stealing from friends I was hooked. And one day my mom walked in my room, while I was going through my empty
bags, she took one look at me and said, "You need help". She didn't say anything else, she just turned around and
walked off. I sat there looking at what I was becoming; my mother. I actually got sick on my stomach, and realized
that this thing was taking ahold of me, like how a fire starts from a cigarette, and then sets the whole house ablaze,
slowly, that's what it was doing to my soul, and who I was. That day I threw out any resemblance of anything
reminding me of it. I got rid of the dealer's number, and got back into much needed church. My grades improved
dramatically, and I was finally on the right path. I didn't need rehab because God was the only one who got me
through that. I never once picked it back up, even to this day. I have no feeling to do it what-soever. I actually hate
the thought of it. I met a good guy who went to church with me every Sunday and Wednesday. He was so good to
me, he loved me for me, and didn't judge anything about my past. He would take me places and he had the most
gentle touch. He would do things "just-because". Finally, my life had some texture and depth to it. My family was
doing good, my mother was sober, my grades had improved dramatically, I had a great boyfriend, and I even got
into my first pick college. After dating for 1 year, he got on crack-cocaine. I said, I would never deal with this crap
again. But, I loved him and I was blind to his many lies and deceptions. He got into trouble with the law on
numerous occasions and denied to me about ever doing any of his supposed crimes. I stuck by him, and he leaned
on me for everything. I put up with his jail time for burglary, him going out on escapades for days at a time, and him
being in and out of several rehabs. I had no idea if he was hurt or dead somewhere, he wouldn't call until the money
ran out, and it always did. He then promised he would never do it again, and I was so naive about our love, I trusted
him once again. This went on for 2 years, and it was the worst hell of my life, when you love someone close up
when they're loving you at a distance, the drugs will be the gap, the only thing stopping your relationship from
progressing. Because let me tell you, drugs will be their lover, not you. Don't get me wrong when he was sober he
was the best man in the world, that's what kept me going from day to day. But I finally started thinking to myself,
does the good outweigh the bad? No, it didn't because for the 30 days he would be clean, the next 20 would be
complete and utter hell. I would wait by the phone, to just hear him say that he was OK and at home. I would be
sleepy at school and work, and have tear stained cheeks from staying up the night before, crying, wondering, and
praying. He would go a couple of weeks without it, and then be right back on it. It would've been so much easier if
he would have cheated on me, that way I could say "forget you" and be gone, but by it being with drugs, I knew he
loved me deep down and this demon had a complete tug on his life that by this time, he couldn't control it. It altered
his mind, his heart, everything that had ever meant something to him, was now nothing, but shear memories. I got a
call a couple of days ago. He is in jail now, on a $50,000 secured bond, and facing 16 years in prison. He had 1st
degree armed robbery, 1st degree burglary and 2nd degree kidnapping. And, once again, I'm alone and have no
idea what to do. I still love him no matter what happens, but I have finally realized that everything happens for a
reason. God will cure him some day, some how, or either take him home to be his angel. But, I know God has a
plan for my life and his. I will never forget all the memories we have shared, the good times, and the bad times. The
thing that gets to me is, we were pre-engaged and planning to get married after my 4 years were done, I even had
the ring. Now, it's gone. No turning back. Because, even when he does get out he'll be 38. By then I'll be married
and have my own family. Friends have asked do I regret allot. I regret nothing, it's been hard don't get me wrong,
but it's made me one of the strongest people and I know that there is nothing in this world that can pull me down.
Not now, not ever. God will be my guide and support the rest of my life. I have 2 reasons for telling my story.
1. If you have a loved one that is strung out on drugs DO NOT give in to their many lies, and trust me there will be
more lies than truth. If you have kids I know you may think that they need their father or mother. But, if there
mother or father is going to be in and out of their lives, beating them (drugs can corrupt a saint, it happens), only
being around to get money, or use them or you. Then, wouldn't you be better off without them? Sometimes you
have to weigh out what means the most to you, and sometimes that means sacrificing your heart.
2. Another reason for me writing this is if your a drug addict yourself. Drugs of any kind, even your "harmless" pot,
is the most selfish thing you can do to yourself and to your family and friends. You don't realize all that you're taking
from them. On drugs, you give up your family, pride, morals, beliefs, and everything in between. You will go from
someone who is devoted, to someone who doesn't care who they are. On drugs, the devil has a mighty grip over
you, he tells you which way to go. So ask yourself this, "Would you want your enemy to have reins over you".
Please consider yourself. Don't quit the drugs for your family, or your girlfriend/boyfriend. Quit the drugs to better
yourself, and to take back the life that was once your own. God can help you out of any situation. Don't blame him,
if you've hit rock bottom call him, he will be the one to grab your hand and pull you back to life.
Good luck to all, and may God bless you.
Written by Amanda Reynolds
| Drug addiction affects everyone! |
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